Creative Intersection
Mood:  mischievious
Now Playing: "Shooting Star" by Bad Company
Topic: 2008

I know that the best way for me to stay in touch with myself is through writing and when I began my stay-at-home meditation retreat this summer, I hoped to write a minimum of fifteen minutes a day every day just to get a writing practice established.  On the days I have written, I've written for much longer than fifteen minutes.  However, there have been many days that have gone by that have not seen me pick up a pen for any creative purpose.  For the past several days I've tried to be more diligent and get even a few words on paper just to feel as though I've tried.

When I sat down to write today, I met with resistance--much as I did last Wednesday when I refused to write in sentences--and so wrote about resistance until I got really, really bored.  Then I watched as my hand lifted off the right hand page of my notebook, crossed to the left hand page of my notebook, and wrote (on the back of the aggressive letter I'm attempting to write to a former boss) a one-sentence paragraph:

Guys are jerks.

And, finally, I THINK, so begins my novel.  The novel I've been thinking about writing and attempting to start writing for several years now.  The novel whose title Chad loves.  The novel that lets me fictionally deal with various people from my past.  But, here's the interesting part: it gets me writing fiction again - yay! this is a good thing (unless you don't like my fiction) - but it also helps me deal with my inability to use aggressive language and face the less than perfect parts of myself.  Because this novel is going to revel in all the imperfect parts of myself and this novel is going to use aggressive language at every possible moment.  In this novel, I am going to say all the mean, funny, witty, bitchy things I've always wanted to say but couldn't (or simply didn't think of them quick enough!) and I'm going to expose all the very human, less-than-ideal thoughts and emotions that go through my head and heart and usually get censored and stored somewhere on my body in fat cells.  This novel might be my way of writing myself back to a healthy weight--yes, the main character is going to be fat--simply by acting as a receptacle and viewing platform for everything ugly in me that I try so hard to fight against.  Tying the novel together with the aggressive writing and channeling my inner bitch also satisfies the directive Danielle gave me on Friday regarding a writing experiment she wanted me to engage in.  She said she saw the experiment culminating in a play (even though it would be a book first) which is part of what pushed me in the direction of the novel because when one of the characters who was already planned to be a part of the novel (in every previous conceptualization) was breaking up with me in real life, I had the very real experience of going out of my body and watching the two of us argue as though we were characters on a stage.  I even interrupted the argument to comment on how absurd it was and to say that one day it would be performed on stage.  So, sweet man who is once again my friend but who broke up with me in one of the stupidest ways ever, sorry, but I think there's a train coming your way.  And I think it's really on track this time.  I think this go-round it's going to get all the way to where you are.  Luckily, I know you're strong enough to meet it and, hopefully, you'll laugh  and still love me  after it barrels through your life and on into the next jerk's....