Mood:
chillin'Topic: 2008
I have lost my momentum.
All of it.
I had been doing so well--launching a new children's website at work, writing daily, walking, eating more or less mindfully, and feeling like I was making progress on a spiritual or philosophical level. I actually launched the website after we got back, but ever since Hans and I went to California, I haven't really gotten back on track with most of my life. In fact, I feel absolutely exhausted. I go to bed at 9:30 and can barely drag myself out of bed at 7:00 to be to work by 9:00. I have a hard time committing to any one project at work and don't feel like my real energy kicks in until lunchtime, and NOTHING gets done at home. I can't even seem to find the energy to make hummingbird food or water my flowers regularly. There is some kind of worm or caterpillar making spikey cocoons in my evergreen tree and my neighbor says I have to pull them off one by one, but today I didn't have the heart or the energy.
This is probably just me being lazy, but I insist there's a physical component. I did some energy work last week and when I told Danielle what I'd done, she understood why I'd done it but thought I had overdone it. She thinks I need some major detox, as in no sugar, no caffeine, no animal products, and that the work I did is likely to bring lots of things in disparate parts of my life to a head. So, maybe I'm a little depressed; maybe Epstein-Barr is real and I'm in the middle of one of my 6-week can't-drag-my-ass-off-the-couch chronic fatigue episodes; or maybe I simultaneously became more ethereal and more grounded in my body and so now have a body that is more sensitive to the crap I put in it and the stresses to which I subject it.
All I know is it's not pleasant. I've even begun thinking over the last two weeks that the ADD is getting out of control again and could use a pharmaceutical solution, but I haven't called to ask my doctor for a prescription. I might try some of the exercises in Delivered from Distraction this week instead. I need something to jolt me out of the daydream I've been in for the past week and to help me get to work making dreams come true in my real life.
