Sometimes You Don't Get the Results You Expect...
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: Daily Eruptions

...and sometimes you do. The caffeine experiment, predictably, is turning out badly. The idea was to have one 12 oz. fully caffeinated Mountain Dew each day around 11:00 a.m. to see if I can tolerate a small amount and see what benefits I receive. My experience has been that a small amount of caffeine in the late morning can help me focus and get through the heart of my day. I think somedays I also feel happier when I have caffeine in my system. The problem is that having Mountain Dew in the house, and having caffeine in my body, makes drinking only one can per day difficult. I end up wanting one with dinner and then one doesn't "feel" like enough because the soda industry has trained me to expect 20 oz. or more now, not a mere 12, so I end up drinking three a day instead of one. This adds 510 calories (from high fructose corn syrup - a substance the human body does not know how to process) to my diet and then makes it difficult to sleep. And, if I get too much caffeine build up, I get free-floating guilt attacks and sometimes even anxiety attacks.

Yesterday I drank three cans. On top of that, I bought a dress for Chad and La Toya's wedding. My OCD kicked in and I was awake until 2:45 a.m. buzzing on caffeine and obsessing about jewelry and shoes and make up and worrying about whether I should spend two months trying to learn to do something with my long, straight hair on my own or try to find a hairdresser to put it up for me on the day of the wedding. Then, I obsessed about the dress iteself, worrying about whether an ankle-length dress is appropriate for an afternoon wedding and worrying that, even though it is a very simple, straight, spaghetti strap design, the length or material might look as though I'm trying too hard, or worse, might look as though I think I'm part of the wedding party, and I definitely am not.

The worst part is that after getting hardly any sleep, I wasn't willing to drag myself out of bed at 5:00 to walk before work. So yesterday's mistakes are lingering and diminishing my effectiveness today. Isn't that always the way?