Ignore this post...just me taking the lame way out
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Animals in the News
Topic: Daily Eruptions
Here are a couple of headlines from today's news that you may have missed:

Whale Swims Through Downtown London

and

Hamster, Snake Best Friends at Tokyo Zoo

I just wish I knew what happened to the whale.... Where's Paul Harvey with The Rest of the Story?

And here's a link to my new favorite story - I learned about this through an email at Thanksgiving, but didn't know where to find the story online until now: Companions in Kenya

Living an Internal Life and What the Bleep?
Topic: Movies
It appears I'm back to living more of an internal life. When I have ideas for things I want to write, I can't write about them here because that drains them of their energy and I never write them for real anywhere else. And now that I'm doing the whole internal motivation thing when it comes to eating, exercise, writing, starting my own business, and living closer to my principles, I can't really discuss those things here either because then they lose their "internalness" and become things I see as externally motivated. I can't really even talk about what's going on with me and Hans now that we're in counseling together because it feels like a betrayal of his trust. So until the things and changes I'm creating become truly manifest in the world, I guess I'm pretty limited in what I can write about here.

But, I can recommend seeing the movie What the Bleep Do We Know?! It's on DVD and also playing on cable movie channels, and I guarantee you it's worth two hours of your life. The movie is about Quantum Physics, although you hardly recognize that because it is presented in a very accessible and interesting way, and spirituality, and personal choice. If you've seen the movie Mindwalk, based on the book The Turning Point by Fritjof Capra, you will love What the Bleep! You can learn more about the movie, either before or after you see it, at www.whatthebleep.com. There's also a book out if you want to know more, and in February What the Bleep Do We Know: Down the Rabbit Hole hits theaters, although in pretty limited release. It looks like I may have to see it in California when we visit Hans's family unless I want to wait months for it to come to sleepy little North Carolina.

One Final New Year Note
Topic: Daily Eruptions
I just realized I haven't posted anything about my new year aspirations or inspirations. If you've been following along, you know I'm not making "goals" for awhile longer still, but am trying to find ways to do things that I want to do or need to do because they're good for me using internal motivation and intentions and living according to my priorities. So, all I can really say is that December was lovely and I've made some progress in my understanding, thanks to conversations I've had with James, Chad, Tad, and Scott recently. My thinking about how I want to - and actually can - live my life has expanded, and that's really exciting. I'm moving slowly to put things into my life that I think are healthy and to rid myself of things that are unhealthy, but this is going to take some time. Mostly, I'm still working on learning patience and about how to just be in the moment. All I can say is that I feel I'm in one of those pivotal periods in my life, and that can only be a good thing.

Small Taste of Success
Mood:  happy
Topic: Daily Eruptions
Today was my first full day back to work after the winter holidays, and it was, by our small press standards, wildly successful! A couple of the things we've been working pretty hard to put in motion actually moved forward in exciting ways. First, we met with an extremely generous district superintendent from one of the school districts where Sudie really wants to get the new bilingual book introduced into the curriculum as well as the district's superintendent of curriculum. They were both receptive to the book and seemed to genuinely feel it has a place in classrooms. They will review it to see if it fits into the resources to be adopted by their elementary schools next year, and gave us information on ways to contact other educators and school officials around the state. We have spent a lot of time doing research, creating suggestions for using the book in the classroom, and creating a classroom pilot program to get to this meeting, and it felt like the work might be beginning to pay off with the results we're looking for.

Second, the principal from another school district in the state where Sudie has never read called today to invite her to read to 350 students at the end of the month. Sudie met him when he came to view her art at the open studio tour in November, and we've had to do some work letting him know what kinds of programs Sudie has to offer, so, again, this was a rewarding invitation to receive. As hard as it is for Sudie to break out of her introverted artist mold, she knows how important ties to schools are if she wants to get the new book placed in classrooms, so she's been pushing herself lately to do as many readings as she can. A part of her loves it even though she's always a little relieved when the event is over and she can get back to her art.

All in all, a really auspicious start to our second year working together. We've come a long way in twelve months when you take into account that at this time last year I was still researching how to find and choose an appropriate translator and that since then, we found and hired an editor and translator, navigated our way through the new EAN-13 vs. ISBN maze of confusion, published the book, and had it adopted into two pilot programs in second grade classrooms. And all of this while I was learning her business and we were continuing to market her art and previous books and starting to put into place a structure to maintain historical knowledge so her business will have continuity even if she has employee turnover. (She hates it when I talk about that--which is nice--but, eventually, I do want to have my own creative life and she will need to replace me....) Where will we be at this time next year?? If I have anything to say about it--and I do--it will be someplace really amazing.

USC Burns Me Again
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: Daily Eruptions
Last year, when my two alma maters, University of Michigan and University of Southern California, faced off in the Rose Bowl, I wanted Michigan to win. Maybe it was because I spent four years at U of M vs. the two I spent in a graduate program at USC. Or maybe it was a first love kind of thing. Regardless, USC refused to bend to my will and trampled U of M. So this year, when it was easy to know where my loyalties lay, do you think #1 ranked USC could come through for me? Obviously not. Too bad I didn't pursue that second masters degree at the University of Texas in Austin that I considered. Maybe then I could have been on the winning side for a change;)

More Notes for My Last Post
Topic: Daily Eruptions
Just after I uploaded my last post, I stumbled onto a site called The Diary of a Reluctant Housewife. I haven't read far into it, but the current post at the time was for December 27 in which she talks about the expensive ways in which she's tried to get organized. She goes on to suggest a free pocket organizer, called the PocketMod--made from a single sheet of paper--which you can make yourself at www.pocketmod.com. It's an interesting concept, and I have already created one for myself as a test. The difficulty I'm having is in deciding how I want to use it. It has pages that are meant to be used all year, pages for one month, pages for one week, and list and note pages that could be used daily. The one I created has a yearly calendar, a monthly deadlines page (for one month only), an interesting although somewhat mystifying weekly page about Benjamin Franklin's chosen virtues to live by, and then lined pages for notes. I think I need to decide whether I want to use this as an annual reference book, as a weekly tool to help me keep track of my priorities and deadlines, or as a daily tool to help me track to-do tasks and priorities, much like the system I used in college with a daily notecard. Then, of course, I need to redesign my PocketMod for the intended purpose. The other option I'm considering is making several of them and stapling them together into my own little book. That way I could get longer use out of it and use it for more functions. The downside to that option is that as it gets bigger, it becomes less likely that I will carry it with me everywhere I go as it is intended. Check it out for yourself....

I must have been on something of a caffeine buzz last night from the amount of Ghirardelli I've been eating (thanks to my Aunt Helen ;) ), because even though Hans and I went to bed after midnight, I couldn't sleep. I got up at 1:00 and read three more hours of The Time Traveler's Wife. I'm still absolutely in love, although I was reading the section about a particularly difficult time in their relationship. I was amazed when one of the entries was for September 11, 2001. The attacks were not a surprise to the two main characters, but they sat in front of the television holding a baby and watched the second tower get hit and collapse. I sat on the couch by myself in the middle of the night holding the book and bawled. It is still amazing to me how much power that event has over me and how easily accessed the emotions of that morning are even four years later. I think the passage struck me especially because it mirrored my experience that morning. Candy dropped Brendan off to us on her way to work just after I'd seen the second tower come down live on television. I sat and clung to him and cried and felt like the only thing that was real was the baby I was holding in my arms as I watched the continuing coverage and the slow release of information about the Pentagon crash and the Pennsylvania crash, until Hans finally made me turn it off because he thought I was causing too much stress in Brendan. We sat and watched the Seattle Space Needle out our back patio door and waited for it to collapse in the wave of attacks we fully expected to flow from east coast to west, and stood on our balcony listening when we realized that all the air traffic had been grounded. We were used to seeing anywhere from three to eight planes in the SeaTac air space any time we looked. I know lots of writers have written about 9/11, but this is the first time I've encountered it in a book. Jarring, and amazing, and yet it felt only right that she included it. It had to be there in this book about love and time and dislocation and the possible next evolution of the human species.

The Best Holiday Season
Topic: Daily Eruptions
Hans has three days left in the month to prove me wrong, but I really think this was our best December together. Hans heard me say that a couple times to relatives and friends over the Christmas weekend and commented that he thinks I feel that way because he was so distracted with work this year and wasn't paying attention to what I was doing in terms of cards, shopping, and baking. I think he's absolutely right, and if he's smart, he'll make a note to be either similarly distracted or nothing but supportive of my efforts again next year! We didn't argue once this month - about anything - and had a really relaxing and enjoyable holiday with my family. I have been walking around the house saying, "I'm a happy girl," which is a refreshing change for both of us.

On top of that, I felt like my last minute baking, cooking, and wrapping push went better this year than ever before. Instead of making each dish one at a time, I managed to find ways to make all the dishes simultaneously by figuring out which steps of various recipes were compatible with other steps. I'm sure this is how most cooks do it, but it's a new stage in my evolution! This is probably the fifth year I've made tamales for Hans, and they were definitely my best. I got the seasoning for the filling just right - spicy but not too hot - and I added more oil to the masa dough and they had the perfect texture. And, on top of that, when we left for the Christmas Eve party at Mom and Dad's, I left a clean kitchen - definitely a first! - and was the first to arrive instead of being an hour late and making everyone wait for me before they could start dinner. Finally!

I'm taking this week off from work to get my home office organized once and for all, to relax, and to get my life in order so that when I return to work I'm able to continue the meditation, exercise, and writing habits I'm putting in place this week without having to start from scratch. I hadn't been able to do the body scan meditation, which is the major meditation used in Full Catastrophe Living, on my own. I always fell asleep. So Hans gave me the complete series of mindfulness CDs for Christmas, and I think that's going to solve my problem. I'm starting the 8 week mindfulness program over from scratch now, and will be finishing it up about the same time Hans and I leave for L. A. in March to visit his family. I'm also using that trip as a dividing line for my exercise routine. I have a difficult time sticking to the same workout for very long because it gets boring. So I've made a new schedule for January and February that rotates in new exercise every two weeks over an 8 week period. I think that'll improve my base fitness level, restore some of the flexibility I've lost, and build my major muscle groups back up so that when I start road cycling in March, and hopefully swimming, too, I won't be starting from zero. Hans also gave me a dance fitness tape I asked for. It's fun and fast and more challenging than it looks. I'm hoping it will boost my confidence so that I feel ready to sign up for a dance class in the spring.

On Tuesday night, I also picked up the book The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger again. I had started it sometime in the fall and got 107 pages into it, but then got busy and never got back to it. I'm about half-way through it now and I am absolutely in love! The book makes me want to be a novelist. Audrey Niffenegger creates these people and their relationship and they're very strange world so convincingly, she makes me want to be the best writer I can be. I'm pretty sure this book is going on my list of all-time favorites, and that the author is going on my list of writers to always read.

I'm hoping to post again before then, but if I don't get back here in time, Happy New Year, everyone!

Blessed Winter Solstice
It is Yule, the longest night of the year in the Northern Hemisphere and the day to celebrate the return, or rebirth, of the sun! In some calendars, it is the beginning of the new year. I will be celebrating Christmas and New Years with my family in the coming week (actually fortnight is a more accurate measure here), but this year, some part of me feels a deeper connection with today's pagan meanings. I have been moving through lots of changes in the past year, and my spirit tells me that today is a day for thankfulness, for reflection, for hope, and especially for renewal. I don't have any ritual planned, although it would be nice if I could carve out fifteen minutes for a quiet meditation this evening, aside from watching a rented copy of Miracles with Hans and making his GF vegan sugar cookies.

I just wanted to send a message of thanks out into the world for all of the friends and family who have given me inspiration and strength this year, for the friends who have reconnected with me (even by the thinnest thread) after a much too long absence, for the new home I inhabit, for Kaija, for Hans and the beginning of our work to rediscover each other and expand our relationship, for the wonderful opportunity to work with Sudie, for the creative impulse that is again beginning to find expression in my life, for the work I did with an amazing therapist that pulled me out of depression and helped me refocus my energy, for the Earth and all of the Life she sustains, for my own life, and for the love that surrounds me everywhere I turn.

I wish everyone a blessed day and a new year filled with love, inspiration, and wonder.

Peace!

Christmas Masochist
Mood:  happy
Well, I've done it to myself again. Dug myself into a holiday hole from which I may never emerge. I am still making my Christmas cards--at this point, it's pretty clear that they take me about 30 minutes each. It's hard to know whether they're worth the effort, especially since some people don't seem to realize that I made them myself. (Is this a compliment? Do people think they look good enough to have been bought from a store? Or, do people just think I have crummy taste in cards and bought the cheapest thing I could find?) I didn't sign and date them on the back this year, which gives people one less clue that the cards are my own personal elementary school-level craft project to them.

Last night I spent four hours making a double batch of Mom's pineapple drop cookies to give away to my "co-workers," and I realized, as I was struggling to fold the holiday print wax paper neatly around each square "Ho, Ho, Ho" themed plate of cookies and tape it in place, that every other woman in my family--living and dead--is a better woman than I. None of them fight with plastic wrap--which always seems to fold itself onto itself and stick together when I want it to remain one flat, single unstuck sheet and then refuses to stick to itself in the places I do intend--and wax paper. None of them take four hours to make one kind of cookie. (Last night, my friendly neighbor Beth brought over a container of totally amazing cookies--five kinds--that she said she whipped up over the weekend.) And, having watched Candy paint both a fruit bowl and a teapot in the time it took me to paint one fruit bowl that in the end cost me $170 in studio time, I'm pretty sure that none of them would spend 30 minutes measuring and scoring and folding and stenciling and inking and punching and stamping and pushing glitter paint around a single Christmas card. None of them are particularly neat or organized, which could be a relief except that I have to remember that all of them have children that they also have to contend with in the midst of all of their holiday preparations.

The house, which was beautifully decorated two weekends ago, is now buried under craft supplies from the card making project and wrapping paper and tape and bags of gifts that still need to be wrapped. The Christmas ornaments I bought in 1999 with the intention of painting them and using them as gift tags are still unpainted and taking up space on my home office floor.

And, I still have gluten-free, vegan sugar cookies to make for Hans, as well as Christmas tamales and fresh pineapple salsa for Christmas Eve dinner, and banana pudding, Rice Krispies treats, Jell-o Jigglers, and baked beans as my contributions to the family Christmas party.

The upside is that I'm loving it. I love pushing red glitter paint around on blue cardstock at 3:00 a.m. I love watching wrapped Christmas presents appear one at a time around the tree. I love tasting my first pineapple Christmas cookie of the season. And some part of me loves getting only 4 hours of sleep per night while I try to make all of this happen.

On Sunday night, while I finished 23 Christmas cards, I wrote a detailed outline of an essay I want to write about the joys of making your own Christmas cards. And there's probably an essay lurking in my notion that I, alone, am failing womanhood. So, yes, I am in my Christmas pit--which is a lonely place because, while other women are in similar situations, we are, in the end, each in our own solitary pit--and the house is a disaster and the perfection for which I strive remains forever elusive, but I am swirling in my own lovely, creative mess and this is where I thrive.