The No-Plan Plan
Mood:
happy
Topic: 2008
Okay, so here's the deal.
On May 1, I began an at-home meditation retreat. Nothing in my life has changed really--I'm still working full time, my husband is still fully in the picture, I still have bills to pay, laundry to fold, toilets to scrub. But I have changed my mental focus in the following ways:
At work, I focus on crossing things off my list and I don't procrastinate, indulge in feeling bored, or worry about what comes next. I do the work in front of me, take time to get outdoors at lunch, and try to leave on time.
At home, I have only two responsibilities: to write every day and to exercise every day. As I mentioned earlier, I have other responsibilities that come with being an adult and a wife and a homeowner and a dog owner and a daughter/sister/aunt, but BIG PICTURE, I only have to write and exercise every day.
The idea is that for the next four months, May through August, I am not going to attempt to be anyone other than exactly who I am. I am not going to attempt to change myself in any way. I am not going to attempt to accomplish anything. I am simply going to get up, write, walk, work when I'm at work, and be present in my own life. I don't have to write anything in particular and what I write today doesn't have to relate in any way to what I wrote yesterday. I am not training for a cross-country bike trip, a triathlon, a marathon, or a three-day walk. I am not weighing, measuring, or recording food. I am not formally studying anything. I am not trying to learn anything. I am not comparing myself to myself, to an ideal version of myself, or to anyone else. I am not judging myself. If I get up, write, exercise, work when I'm at work, and spend the day mostly present in my own life, it will be a good day. If I get up, fail to write, fail to exercise, fail to work when I'm at work, and spend the day escaping my own life in every way possible, then I will treat myself with the compassion I would treat someone I loved who had had that kind of day, forgive myself, and get up the next day and start over with a clean slate.
That's the basic kernel.
However, as Patrick pointed out the other day, I do tend to introduce complexity into simple plans really quickly and I have introduced a few additional elements. In my own defense, I have NOT introduced all of the elements I considered adding. Just to be clear. I could have made this all SO much more complicated! (I think I introduce complexity so I won't get bored and simply because I enjoy watching my mind work....)
So, the additional elements:
1) For the first forty days, I have decided that I want to chant Om Namah Shivaya 108 times per day. It only takes a few minutes and I like the way it sounds.
a) NOTE: For the second set of forty days, I want to switch to Om Mani Padme Hum.
b) NOTE: I've read that you will begin to create obstacles to getting your chanting/meditation in once you've committed to a forty day practice. It's supposed to take some time before you start making it difficult for yourself--like 35 days or so. I, being the advanced soul that I am, however, managed to create an obstacle on day three--I lost the prayer bracelet I was using to help me keep count of my repetitions! Obviously, there are other solutions, but for now, I've simply changed the practice so that instead of keeping to a strict 108 repetitions, I chant for five minutes each day, as well as any time I find myself doing any kind of housework. Hey, it doesn't have to make sense....
2) I have set up a fundraising page to the American Lung Association. It is true that I am not taking a true journey this summer. I'm not going anywhere or doing anything particularly heroic or exciting or remarkable. I am not pushing physical boundaries, but I will be pushing emotional and spiritual ones. I will be trying to learn how to be alone with myself--in the middle of my busy, noisy, far-from-alone life--and stay in the present.
Ten years ago, when I went on the Big Ride Across America, the theme was breath. If you can't breathe, nothing else matters. As an asthmatic novice cyclist, breathing was my central concern. And, as Zoi and Welmoed and Ron and Randy and Arturo and Cindy will attest, there were times when the breathing came hard and I was scared and the people around me were scared for me. There were long nights when I did nothing but focus on my breath while I waited for the medical tent to open so I could get a nebulizer treatment. There was a hospital run in the mountains of Idaho. There were so many times when I relied on other people to walk me to a bus or to the nursing station instead of to my bike.
This summer, my breathing is under much better control (thank you, Big Pharma!), but breath will again be my central theme. Breathing is what keeps you centered in the moment, in the here, in the now, in your body exactly where you are. It is where you meet yourself. It is where you meet the Divine. And so, I will be breathing consciously this summer and thinking not only about the times when I couldn't breathe, but about all the people who forget to breathe in the middle of their crazy, chaotic lives and especially about all the people who can't forget to breathe because breathing does not come easily.
That's why the fundraising page for the American Lung Association. I owe the ALA so much for giving me the opportunity to learn about myself ten years ago as I attempted to cross the country under my own power. I had hoped that if I ever published my memoir about the Big Ride I would be able to donate the proceeds to the ALA, but ten years later, the manuscript has not seen publication. (Did I give up too soon? Maybe. Is the manuscript not ready? Maybe. Is the market for memoirs too crowded for a story as simple as mine? Maybe.) Dedicating this summer's at-home meditation retreat to the ALA is my small attempt to give something back and say thank you once again for all the work they do helping people with the most central of all daily functions. So, if you feel inspired (inspire, by the way, is Latin for "to breathe"!), please click on the link at the right to make a secure donation to the American Lung Association. My thanks to you in advance!
And, one final rule: I only get to blog here after my thirty minutes of writing for the day are done. No fair trying to use this public space as a stand-in for the personal space to which I am dedicating myself.
And, now, I'm off to my Om Namah Shivaya's and then to sleep.
Peace.
K
Posted by Kristine
at 10:29 PM EDT
Updated: Monday, May 5, 2008 11:47 PM EDT