Hoping for the Best December Ever
Topic: Daily Eruptions
December is typically the month I wish I were single. Every year, Hans gets uspet about something that completely blindsides me and makes me crazy. I try to rotate the distress calls I make following the event and ensuing argument among my various friends and family so it's not the same person having to hear year after year about the monster I live with.

This year, however, Hans and I might be breaking the cycle. We started marriage counseling yesterday. I was very nervous going in because I wasn't sure what Hans was going to say. He doesn't "believe in" therapy and is only going because I made the appointment and gave him an ultimatum. But to his credit, he is going. And, to my amazement, he totally came through for me yesterday. He wasn't the least bit resistant to the process and really tried to answer the counselor's questions. Most surprising, he had some really wonderful things to say about me and about why we make such a great couple, because there are times when we truly are a great couple. At this point, on the commitment scale the counselor gave us, Hans came out significantly more committed to us staying married than I did, (which might increase my own commitment) and he is completely committed to our continuing therapy together and moving our relationship to a happier, more loving place. I cried several times in the session--suprise, surprise--and when it was over, Hans was very sweet and gentle with me. We've agreed that I will drive to the sessions, and that, for the safety of both of us and the car, he will drive us home after. Overall, it was a hugely positive experience and it reinforced my feeling that a few small changes in the way we interact may have an enormous, positive impact on the relationship.

The biggest thing I have to face is that if we are going to succeed as a couple, I have to be willing to take the relationship to the next level, too. That will take work and dedication on my part and will be a test of my ability to walk my talk. I have to be willing to be mature and make the hard choices, which I say I'm willing to do, but I won't know for sure until I actually arrive at that juncture. Finding out what you're made of is more than a little scary.