TED and Encyclopedia of Life - How Friggin' COOL are These?
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: "Crazy Train" by Ozzie Osbourne
Topic: Daily Eruptions

MSD at http://mentaljunk.blogspot.com/ sent me these two links this morning: Encyclopedia of Life, which will be an amazing resource for learning about the life forms with whom we share this planet, and a video clip of Edward O. Wilson talking about the need for an Encyclopedia of Life at TED.com.

I don't know where to start: E.O.W. (who is one of my heroes), EOL, or TED; they're all so very cool.

Thanks to MSD, I now have a new life goal: to be invited to a TED Conference!

Also as a result of my introduction to TED, where I was happily surprised to find a talk by Janine Benyus, biomimicry goddess, I also stumbled upon lornamatic which led me to artplantae.  Fun day!

SANE Assistance Needed Now
Topic: Daily Eruptions

I received an email alert from V-Day today that I believe needs to be spread far and wide. 

The big picture message is: more than 1 in 3 Indigenous women in North America will be sexually assaulted sometime in their lives.  This is a higher rate than that experienced by any other group of women in this country. 

In addition to working to end the violence, V-Day is focusing on improving the care rape victims receive from Indian Health Service emergency rooms, direct care providers, and contract health centers.  In many of those health care settings, the nurses and doctors are not properly trained in the use of a rape kit. Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners (SANE) are needed because they are trained to respect the needs of rape victims while correctly collecting forensic evidence.

The V-Day message included a link to a letter from Charon Asetoyer, Executive Director of the Native American Women's Health Education Resource Center, requesting that we write letters to Health and Human Services Secretary Mike Leavitt insisting that the IHS adopt standardized sexual assault policies and protocols within its emergency rooms and that Indigenous women receive a standard of care at least on par with that received by women in the general population.  I feel it's further important to stress that those policies be posted and that all emergency staff members be made aware of them to reduce discrepancies between policy and practice.  Please take a minute to read Ms. Asetoyer's letter and write a letter or send an email to Secretary Mike Leavitt. 

For more information on sexual assault policies and protocols for Indian Health Service emergency rooms, watch this YouTube video prepared by NAWHERC.

Private Practice
Mood:  lazy
Topic: Daily Eruptions

Was it just me, or did Timothy Daly look really comfortable in his role as Pete during last night's Grey's Anatomy set up to the Addison Montgomery (Kate Walsh) spin-off, Private Practice?  He had that "I'm okay in my own skin" look about him that men in their forties sometimes get.  (I checked out his bio on IMDB and was shocked to learn he's actually 51 - he wears it well!)  There is something really hot about a guy who knows who he is and isn't trying to be something else; kudos to the casting director for putting him in a role where that could shine through!  He appeared relaxed and centered (and just the right amount of dangerous thanks to his character's whole "I've been hurt before, so I'm a little unpredictable" thing), and it looked a whole lot better on him than that restrained, pensive cop he played in The Nine last fall. 

It was a little shocking to see the contrast between Grey's and Private Practice when the two shows were intercut the way they were.  I hadn't realized how gray and washed out the television portrayal of the Seattle-based hospital was until I saw it sitting right next to the overly bright, L.A.-based co-op medical office.  I found myself a little annoyed that I actually enjoyed looking at the highly lit, highly put-together depiction of the cast and set of the new show more than the muted, slightly disheveled look of Grey's (although, really, whose lip gloss lasts as long as that of the doctors at Seattle Grace??).  Given that I'm such a sunlight freak, I guess it shouldn't come as any real surprise that brighter is better in my eyes.  If I had to choose between living in Seattle and L. A. - and I've lived in both - Seattle wins hands down.  But, while I did find myself occasionally craving a thunderstorm to break up the monotony of the Southern California sunshine, the darkness in Seattle did finally drive me away.

I hate to say it, because I'm supposed to be weaning myself off of television to make time for my own creative endeavors, but Private Practice might be on my list of shows to watch when it finally premieres (in 2008?).  It's a strong cast (nice to see Merrin Dungey (Naomi) featured - I haven't seen her since Alias) with a reasonably complex set of relationships to navigate, it looks great, and I'd love to see Kate Walsh succeed in carrying the new show.  She handled her role on Grey's so beautifully.  It was fun to dislike her, and even more fun to root for her and Justin Chambers (who plays Alex Karev) getting together.  What (meaning "who") will Alex do now??

Thinking back on last night's episode, though, there is one scene that didn't sit right when I was watching it and now I know why.  When the three female doctors are waiting to see the maybe-cute-but-how-would-we-know-with-all-that-hair-in-his-eyes office receptionist Dell (Chris Lowell) walk by bare-chested, we were supposed to sit back and enjoy the show. But if it had been three male doctors waiting to see the female office receptionist walk by, we would have called it sexist and demeaning.  If it's demeaning when men do it, it's demeaning when women do it.  Feminism isn't about turning the tables and adopting habits formerly acceptable only for men, it's about treating everyone with the same respect. 

Good News!
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: in my head & I can't get rid of it: "Let 'Em In" by Paul McCartney
Topic: Daily Eruptions
I just learned that I will be a visiting artist at the North Carolina Zoo this summer!  My water cycle project was accepted, so I will get to spend a week playing with kids at the zoo doing movement, drawing, poetry, storytelling, and naturalist activities in the kidZone and at exhibits around the zoo.  It's going to require some major planning and thinking and making and writing in the next few weeks, but I am thrilled!!  It means combining for the first time ever my love of nature, teaching, writing, art, and kids.  I've done combinations of those - nature, teaching, and kids; art and kids; writing and teaching - but never all of them in one.  If my Exploring Nature Through Art class through the Alamance Arts Council fills that will be the same full combination which would mean a really exciting summer.  I found a heads-up penny and a four-leaf clover this morning while I was walking the dog and it looks like all that luck paid off!  I'm going to sleep happy tonight.

The Problem with Blogging
Mood:  energetic
The problem with blogging - with having a blog that I would like to maintain better than I do - is that most of the impulses that in the past would have driven me to want to write a poem, now drive me to write a blog post instead.  I don't actually, physically sit down to blog all that frequently, but I blog in my head every day.  I almost always have at least three posts in the works, though usually I lose interest in them or their relevance passes before I get to my computer to type them up.  So, instead of learning, as the poet Lucille Clifton did while she chased six children around all day, to keep the fragments of a poem in my mind over the course of several hours until I can find time to write them down, I keep track of my thoughts in a much lazier way, in conversational English, looking for a humorous way to present them, but not necessarily the most suprising, vivid, or linguistically interesting way.  For example, I've had the idea for this post since Friday when the after-effects of that vivid dream and the Poetry Month Poem of the Day from the Academy of American Poets at Poets.org was "Apples" by Grace Schulman.  I was in a very dreamy, rebellious mood, wanting to make something happen.  I was dying to write a really good poem myself, but rather than following that unusually strong urge, I took the easy way out and created this much less satisfying post two days later. 

Still dreaming in today's rainy haze
Mood:  lazy
Topic: Daily Eruptions

Hans let me fall asleep with my head on his chest last night. 

I dreamed I was sleeping on a sand-colored rock, barely larger than my body, in the middle of a swift, but peaceful, river.  Lovely!!

My Evening Prayer
Mood:  crushed out
Topic: Mindfulness

Now, right this minute, this is my life.

I just finished a run alone in the dark under a balmy, indigo night sky.

I feel powerful, strong, relaxed, centered.  Happy!

I have a beautiful little naked dog who makes me laugh and who is waiting patiently for me to throw her leopard-spotted plush bone and give her kisses.

I am going to fall asleep soon, in my own body, in my own life, in my own company.

Blessings to all, especially Bessie and Zoe.  Love to you both!

This moment, this moment is my life. 

My Ten Year Anniversary Gift from Hans!
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: Daily Eruptions

 

Hans called me last night to say he'd found the perfect car for me.

 

Not too bad when an enviro-friendly, limited edition sports car with a base price of $92,000 reminds your husband of you!

"Mine" would be Electric Blue and would be loaded with everything except the XM radio, bringing the total cost to $101,525.  I'm sure Hans won't mind spending 10% more to get me the absolute best.

(I read this week that eco-consumers like to buy their Green Cars painted green to further emphasize their political choice.  I wonder if that influenced my decision to choose Electric Blue for my electric car?  Nah!  Electric Blue is simply the hottest color in the Tesla line up.)

Reserve your own 2008 Tesla Roadster, or read an account of what it feels like to drive one.

If a girl is going to dream Green, she may as well dream Gorgeous Green!

Much better than the traditional gift made of tin and worlds more socially responsible than a diamond, the Tesla Roadster--with an efficiency six times greater than the rest of the best sports cars and only 1/10th of the pollution--is the perfect ten year anniversary present for this non-traditional, slightly ahead of her time, tree-hugging, still young enough to enjoy it "current trophy wife."  What do ya' say, honey?  Buy me this, and I'll take you anywhere you wanna' go!

 

The BEST Day!
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Daily Eruptions

I just have to write tonight because I have had one of the best days I've had in months!  

I had a really rough week last week because I found out the developer in my neighborhood had put in permit applications to build two new sets of townhomes, one on either end of my building.  What made this really outrageous was that the privacy of our building, including the trees behind us, the fact that we're at the end of a street, and the green space next to us, was what the salespeople used to sell us on this neighborhood and our particular house.  There were actually $5,000 premiums on our lots due to all of the above features (although these premiums were dropped for us and some of my neighbors as incentive to buy).  To make things really bad, the development company didn't directly tell us of their plans to build, but only sent around notices that they were going to need to move our utilities to accommodate "addition construction."  Because the company is still building to complete its master plan, it didn't immediately occur to us to think they had applied for permits to change the master plan and would actually consider tearing up the sidewalks and landscaping and putting in two new buildings right on top of ours.  Hans and I made calls to county permitting agencies, wrote letters to our neighbors, called every potentially influential person whose number we could locate at the development company, joined committees on what will become the Homeowners' Association, and filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau.  Still, as the week wore on it didn't look like we had much hope of stopping the developers.  I promised my neighbors to write letters to the editors of all the major newspapers in the state and to make formal complaints to every entity I could think of that might have contact with the development company, adamant that I was going to make it as difficult as I could for the company to change the master plan and add these buildings.

Tonight, Hans listened to a voicemail from one of the developer's superintendents that said the company had decided, due to the number of complaints they had received, not to build the new units!

This is really amazing, and much needed, news.  I had started to feel a general layer of depression settling over me and seeping into the cracks.  If I couldn't save even a dozen trees and the patch of grass right next to my own house, how could I possibly think I might be able to save the world?  It might sound like I'm being overly dramatic - I know there are people in the world who truly are being bulldozed and who have no real power over their own lives - but I felt a powerlessness I haven't really felt before and it scared me deeply.  Not only was I now feeling bad that I was turning 38 and still searching for my Path, but I was feeling that I didn't matter even in my own neighborhood, that as a citizen I had no voice in matters of concern to me simply because I wasn't the majority land owner and couldn't afford to hire a lawyer to represent me against the developers who wouldn't take or return my calls.  So I am relieved and happy and amazed that the resistance I felt has now dissipated.  Amazing, really, really, amazing.

On top of that, Sudie had a book reading today at a local elementary school and it went extremely well.  The kids were lovely, smart, and well mannered and all the logistics went very smoothly.  When it was over, Sudie and I took turns telling each other how much we appreciate each other, which was something I really needed, too.  Things have been hard for each of us  personally lately, so it was really nice to have this small mutual victory.

Then, it was off to teach my creativity class and I was on such a rush from Sudie's event that I soared right through it.  We are into the second half of the course and the kids are amazing!  I asked them last Thursday, at the true halfway mark, to tell me what they had learned about their own creativity so far and they said the most remarkable, insightful things!  We are transitioning from the exercises we have been doing to get the kids to trust their instincts and not pre-judge an idea or their ability to execute it to the portion of the class where they will actually begin to create things.  We looked at examples of visual art that use unusual media - paint made from the candy shells of M&Ms mixed with Kool-Aid, sand and waves, the dirt on a car window, human hair, pollen, earth - and had a great discussion that I hope will get the kids really thinking about what kinds of materials they want to use next week when I finally set them loose to begin their own projects.

Overall, just a really satisfying, encouraging, invigorating day.  I haven't felt this manic sense of joy in ages, and I have to say, today it was completely welcomed. 

Road Signs Pointing Me Back to Me
Mood:  happy
Topic: Mindfulness

After learning I didn't land the writing job I had created such a huge intention around, my body was filled with a physical feeling of mourning for about two weeks.  No matter how many conversations I had with myself about how this was all for the better, the sadness would not leave.  What I quickly figured out was that the mourning was not so much for this specific (long-term) writing assignment as it was for the loss of a path.  I had once again leapt onto someone else's idea and embraced it completely, eager to follow the path outlined by that idea...but still worried on some level that my passion for that path might wane, as it often does, somewhere around the eighteen-month mark.  Even with this writing gig, I was already thinking about where it could lead and which of my other skills I might eventually be able to bring to the project.  It was a Path, with a capital P, and it felt like it might finally lead to my once-and-for-all-lifetime-career.

I do this - the swallowing whole of other people's dreams - over and over again (although, this time was a pretty extreme case for me), and while I learn from every experience and sincerely gain pleasure from whatever dream I am following at any given moment, the problem is that this process keeps me from formulating and working toward any of my own great ideas.  In fact, I think I've designed it for exactly that purpose.

What I can safely take away from this three-month application process, however, is that I am still really jazzed about science, and that I am committed to pursuing a writing career based on science and the environment.

Four days ago, I was still feeling an overwhelming sadness and fear over being once again "pathless."  I was not excited at the prospect of turning thirty-eight without being closer to achieving my goals of being a writer and earning a living without a traditional j-o-b.  Hans and I took Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday off this week to celebrate our anniversary, Valentine's Day, and my birthday, and when I woke up Wednesday morning, the sadness and fear had both been completely replaced by a body-permeating sense of peace and the tiny glimmers of hope.  I am feeling comfortable in my own body and my own life again, and have decided to embrace my year-and-a-half-long attention span (rather than continuing to fight against it) by creating a fifteen-month calendar and a list of fifteen goals I want to accomplish in those months.  I'm making visual charts to help me track my progress.  On one level, it feels a little bit like being a toddler with a potty-training chart.  On another level, I know of several non-profit fundraising organizations who use similar goal and progress tracking systems.  The difference between them and me is that I'm the only one with whom I'm communicating my progress.

Just having these goals and plans, though, wasn't enough to bring about the sense of peace and the feeling that I am on the right path.  I think that came from a combination of having five days with no agenda, the fact that my new afterschool creativity class is going very well and filling me with energy and confidence, and from the sillier source of a computer-generated astrological birth chart and life purpose report I received as a birthday present.  (Yes, I am beginning to sound like an astrology nut....)  The report says that my path is that of the "Spiritual Warrior," inspiring others to shine more brightly with the brightness of my own spirit.  (Sappy, any one?)  It suggests that in past lives I've had a great deal of experience with partnerships, which has caused me to seek out the "right relationship" and have a weak sense of identity apart from the other people in my life in this lifetime, and that I need to develop a strong sense of self because my purpose is to follow my passions and inspire others by being myself and doing what I love.  I know, how generic and self-serving is that?  You could probably tell anyone that was their purpose - I think Buddhists would probably agree that is everyone's purpose? - and they'd be happy.  But, reading that really did help me relax. 

I keep thinking there's "one big thing" I'm supposed to be looking for and once I find it and begin doing it, I will be bringing all of my interests, skills, and passions together and using them all to their full potential in the service of my Mission, or my Destiny, or my Purpose.  What my experience applying for this science writing assignment helped reinforce is that there will never be one thing that will be enough to satisfy me.  What the astrology report did was put into a computer printout all of the advice I've been trying forever to get myself to accept and follow - right down to stressing that I need to develop focus, self-discipline, and stamina, and that I should practice a martial art, yoga, juggling (baton twirling??), or running to help with these things.

In another nice turn of synchronicity, the theme of the February issue of Writers on the Rise is "sustainable passion."  The "sustainable" part really is my challenge - passion I have oodles of.  For me, maybe sustainable means eighteen months of commitment before I get totally bored, and that's okay.  By choosing a fifteen month timeline for my current set of goals, maybe I'll be able to push through to the end before I'm banging my head against the wall.  What would be really cool is if I could learn to emulate Jodi Picoult, who researches and writes one book every nine months (and then takes a three month "vacation" would be my guess), and get one major project finished every fifteen months.

And, finally, I am happy, happy, happy! to report that my dreams are bringing me creative ideas that I remember when I wake up and they are doing this on a regular basis - about one a week.  They're not earth-shattering ideas, but they are ideas I'm enjoying: one was a story idea, one was an idea for an eco-friendly business, one was an idea for a series of photographs I could take.  Definitely a habit I want to encourage!