Saturday at Last!
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Daily Eruptions
The first week back to work after vacation is hard, and this week was even harder because Sudie freaked out while I was gone and decided to rewrite all of the rules. The first part of the week was horrible. Enough that I decided it was time to stop thinking of this as My Work, and start thinking of it as a J-O-B. I really don't want to think of it that way, because it is really hard for me to stay motivated to stay in any typical "job" for very long. If I feel like I'm Sudie's collaborator, rather than just her employee, I think I'll feel motivated longer. Things eased up a little by the end of the week, but they're still more tense than I like. I'm hoping that when the new studio is finished and she can actually start working on her art again, and we can work in separate physical spaces, life will get easier.

As much as I am relieved that it's Saturday because it means I don't have to be at her house, I still have to do work today. I have brochures for the upcoming Open Studio Tour to drop off in stores around Durham, and then two stores I have to go to in Raleigh, and then take down her artwork at Artspace. It will take me most of the day. So it's going to be a very short weekend before I have to start in again....

But I'm going camping next weekend, which makes me really happy. I haven't been camping since I did my solo tour of the Upper Peninsula over a year ago. Hans isn't sure he wants to go, but I think I'm going to take Kaija and see how she does with sleeping in a tent.

When I get home tonight I have to get busy writing. I am behind on my assignments for my nonfiction class, in large part due to vacation. I have "finished" one long essay (it's more than 2,000 words and the assignment was 1,000--which might make it difficult to find a publisher) that the class's facilitator, Christina, thinks is ready to go out into the world. I also wrote the rough draft of a how-to article--which is a brand new format for me--longhand in a notebook before I left for vacation and now I can't seem to find the notebook. I need to find it and type it up, add on the into that I wrote while I couldn't sleep one night this week, find a few statistics to drop in, and get that turned in. I also need to conduct a twenty-minute interview with someone I might like to profile for a third piece. I have never done an interview article, either, so this will be a good exercise for me. And, then, for this week's assignment, I have to research markets and determine where I'm going to send one of my finished pieces. Since the essay is the only thing finished right now, I'm going to focus on marketing that, but I really want to finish the how-to piece. It's amazing to realize that I actually know enough about something to be able to give advice on it to others. The great thing about the piece is that it's also an evergreen, which means that each year I can resell the article because the topic won't go out of popularity.

It has been wonderful to have someone to read and comment on my work and to give the class guidance on working and publishing in the nonfiction world. I took nonfiction writing with Shana Alexander at USC, but my brain wasn't in the right place. At twenty-five, I really hadn't found the maturity as a writer or the confidence to feel comfortable with the genre. I was too timid and too limited in my thinking about what I could do. So this class, which is only six weeks long, has done exactly what I needed it to in that it has jumpstarted my writing and it has given me the confidence to continue on. I am definitely going to miss having a mentor, though. I'm thinking of asking Christina if she ever does one-on-one coaching for specific projects and what her rates would be. In particular, it would be helpful to have her coach me through the transition into feature writing, which is where I ultimately want to work, I think.

Okay, now to work....

Notes from October in North Carolina
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: Daily Eruptions
Yesterday on my way to work, the person I was following down Highway 70 was delivering newspapers at 55 miles per hour! They were driving an SUV so I couldn't tell how many people were in the vehicle, but I really hope the driver wasn't the one hurling the yellow plastic bags out the window!

Heating costs are expected to go up by a third (to a half?) this winter, and I'm wondering how the cost of standard gas and electricity will compare to the cost of "green" energy sources if it does? In NC, we have NC Greenpower where you can buy $4 blocks of renewable energy each month. How many blocks of Greenpower would North Carolinians have to purchase as a whole to realize a cost savings? What does that mean per household? Or maybe we're still not quite there yet?

I read an email forward yesterday in which someone suggested that if we as a nation boycott the two largest oil companies, Exxon and Mobil, for a year, they would be forced to lower the cost of gasoline. This would then force the smaller companies to lower their prices in order to stay competitive. Granted, I never took economics in college (yes, I now see the error of my ways), but this seems to make sense to my teeny, underutilized brain. I still avoid Exxon after the Valdez spill, but I may on the rare occasion stop at a Mobil station if I'm traveling. So playing along with this boycott would not be difficult for me, but I am torn. If gas prices go back down, then American consumers will continue to consume, Detroit will continue to crank out gas guzzling SUVs without remorse or vision, and the alternatives that are quick and close will not be implemented on any grand scale. But, then, I have family members who have to drive vans in order to transport medical equipment or just so that all the members of the household can arrive in the same place at the same time (and, yes, I still strongly believe in population control--replace yourself and that's it, but when multiples come along--with no medical inducement, btw--I also believe in exceptions) and I hate thinking about what it costs them to move from place to place. Plus, if I am going to pay $3-5 for a gallon of gas, I would like it to be because there is a gas tax accounting for a large chunk of that cost and that the tax is being used to fund forward-thinking energy programs, environmental conservation and restoration projects, or at least education so the kids being hauled around in those SUVs can grow up to make smarter decisions than the ones we're making.

I'm still trying to figure out what I'm supposed to learn from the organizational challenges I've been dealing with ever since Earth Share. Things with Sudie are every bit as difficult as they were at ESNC, except that Sudie doesn't really recognize the challenges or know what to do about them--at least Jill saw them and had a plan for resolving them, even if there wasn't time or money to implement those plans. I don't know if maybe the only lessons are practical ones? This is how you organize information, this is how you organize physical space, this is how you organize time. Or if there is also some spiritual lesson to be learned--like, do one thing at a time and do it well, or let go of perfectionism (Jill taught me this one), or just do the work in front of you, or FOCUS!, or Prioritize! All I know is that I hope there is a payoff.

We had our first day of sunshine since I've been home today and it was lovely!! I still miss fall in Michigan. Matt is having his get-together this Saturday in Ceresco and I sooo wish I could go. Campfire, crisp night air, people who love me....

Home Again, Home Again...
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: Daily Eruptions
Well, I'm back in North Carolina after a really lovely trip. It was amazingly hot and humid in Orlando--think North Carolina in July when the earth is breathing hot vapor on you at the same time the clouds are--but apparently it is now fall at home. Drizzly and cool and dark. Huh, sounds like Seattle....

The trip was wonderful. I loved spending time with the kids! The girls got used to me being around and call me by name now, which sounds something like "Shishi." And Brendan was my little sidekick at all the parks. I have to say, though, seven days at the happiest place on earth is too long. I got totally "consumered" out, even though I mostly bought Christmas presents for other people. Everything was just a little too expensive, too wasteful, too obviously designed to part you from your money with no long-term benefit. It was good, though, because it reminded me of who I am and what my values are, and despite the hectic pace, I came home rested and happy to return to my life.

It was also an excellent exercise in staying in the moment and not being attached to outcomes! With three kids in tow, it was best if the adults had no plans or expectations of their own. The minute you decided you had to ride this particular ride was the exact minute one of the kids would decide they had had absolutely enough and needed to leave that instant. It's good for me to not want anything every once in awhile.

I was able to read more of Full Catastrophe Living which just might "save my life," at least in a psychological sense. I had started the breathing meditation before I left for vacation, and now that I'm home I'm going to practice the full program for the next eight weeks to see what works for me. I need to integrate mindfulness into my life so deeply that I won't forget again!

There were signs today that tomorrow will be a rough day at work, but I talked to Scott for awhile tonight and he helped me relax. As he pointed out, there is nothing I can do about it tonight.

So I am off now to work on an assignment for my nonfiction writing class in which I am now quite far behind thanks to my little excursion.

Magical dreams, everyone....

Adios for Awhile
Mood:  happy
Topic: Daily Eruptions
I am preparing to leave for vacation, but wanted to put up a note that I wouldn't be blogging for the next twelve days or so. I have remote blogging capability, but nothing from which to blog remotely! So I will be relaxing at the happiest place on Earth with some of the happiest kids on Earth and really just taking a much needed breather.

I said good-bye to my therapist today because when my health insurance changes in October her services won't be covered under my new plan. That was sad but also something of a celebration because the distance she and I have covered in six weeks is astounding! I am seeing, and experiencing, my life so differently now than I was. The depression is gone and I am nothing but hopeful about the direction of my life. Marriage counseling comes next, which won't be a cake walk, but I am fine. I left with a plan of action, which really involves making no plans, that both my therapist and I feel very good about. I wish I'd gotten to this place sooner! The funny thing about life is that you get where you need to be when you need to be there, and there is no rushing it. So I'll just say that I'm so happy to be here now.

I bought myself a little present yesterday that makes me very happy, too. It's a little reminder to myself about who I am. Unfortunately I can't say more because I ordered a second one as my Christmas/Solstice gift to Tad and I don't want to ruin the surprise. It was just one of those happy little accidents that I happened to be in the right place and look down and see exactly what I was looking for without realizing that I was looking for it.

Oh, and I just realized this is my 100th post to this blog! Happy Anniversary!!

Okay. Enough babbling. To pack!

Peace, Love, and Every Wonderful Thing!!
K

Gifts from Animals
Topic: Daily Eruptions
I printed out the PETS Act petition page for Sudie to see when she comes home, and my eyes keep being drawn back to the photo of Mr. Kaufman and his beautiful 20-year-old dog Samantha. It occurs to me that perhaps the greatest gift an animal can give us is the opportunity to experience and express love. So many people have a difficult time relating to humans, or have few other humans available in their lives, but an animal receives and gives love so easily that those boundaries between individuals melt away.

We are on this planet to learn to love, and animals help enable us to fulfill that purpose. Doesn't that make them divine gifts from the universe?