Chillin' for real?
Topic: Daily Eruptions
I have always disliked that Tripod's icon for "chillin'" was a pill. It looks, though, like I've come around to another place in my life where chillin' might really be the equivalent of taking a pill. I've been worried for a couple of weeks that I was hitting another depression as a result of the move and the pressure it's put on my relationship with Hans and my own personal issues. Last Friday I was pretty near hysterical when I called my mother-in-law to ask for her help in dealing with Hans, and it's pretty clear that this is not a sit-under-a-sunlamp or pop-a-St.-John's-Wort level depression. Hans thinks I've sunk pretty far in, but I know for a fact that I've been deeper in than this. The point is that I don't want to let it get any worse, so I called today and made an appointment to meet with a woman next week to get some help. She will have to refer me to someone else if she thinks I need a prescription, but I've never used medication for depression before and I'm hoping I don't have to start now. My first impulse last Friday had been to call my general practitioner for an antidepressant, but then I took a bipolar questionnaire on my health insurance website and that made me think twice. Anyway, research has shown that 30 minutes of exercise every day is as effective as any of the antidepressants on the market; the challenge is setting up a system that will get me to actually do the exercise.

I'm not looking forward to the therapy thing again. It is so hard and so painful, and the irony is that depression by itself makes it hard to get tasks accomplished and a therapy session can shut me down for a whole day. There were times in college when John would have to drive me home after a session because I couldn't drive myself, all I could do was cry until I finally fell asleep from exhaustion. And when I was in Seattle, Carron would always schedule me off on the day I was in therapy because it was like I was swimming in Jello and just couldn't keep up. So. Definitely not looking forward to any of that, and just a tiny bit resentful that I'm going through it alone for the first two months instead of starting couples counseling right away. I'm sure Hans thinks he has my best interests at heart when he says I need help, but I can't help it that hearing that from him makes me think Stepford....

As much as I'm dreading the experience, I also know it will help. It saved my life in college and it helped me transition back into "real" life after the Big Ride. I'm hoping it will help me move forward on some of my bigger goals, now that I have a better handle on what I want to do with my time on the planet this time around.

And I plan on being proactive. When I went into my first counseling session in Seattle, I surprised the counselor by taking in a four-page baseline self-evaluation that I wrote up to orient her to my situation and to help me determine exactly where I was in the depression (the bottom line: I was non-functional). Today I wrote up a list of questions that I would like to explore in the sessions, and made a chart of the issues that need long-term work and those that need immediate attention. I don't want this work to be as much about figuring out what happened in the past to get me here as it is about how do I propel myself forward in the right directions now. I may be in depression again, but that does not mean I'm in the same place I was when I was diagnosed in college. As in all aspects of life, you cycle through some phases over and over, but all the while you are moving in an upward spiral, so even though the phase has the same name, you are in a completely new space. I like this space. I am surrounded by good people and good circumstances, and I know more good is on the way.

Twenty Miles, Baby!
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: Marathon
Despite the month off from training, I finished twenty miles this morning! The last long run I did was only 13 miles, so I added seven today (a no-no), and I seem to be recovering well. No asthma attack and I felt really strong right up until about mile 18, then my thigh muscles started feeling it a little. I only ran 1 minute out of every 3, but I still finished the first thirteen miles 26 minutes faster than I did them in June. I got up at 4:00, ate breakfast and stretched, and then made sure to eat something every three miles, and alternated between water and Gatorade.

The most amazing thing was that I actually had fun! Aside from the 5K finish at the 2002 Danskin Triathlon, I don't remember ever enjoying running. All of my self-talk was positive and encouraging, until somewhere in mile 18 where I said, "This sucks," and "This is killing me." But even then, I turned it around and finished on a high note.

I knew this was a pivotal workout. If I couldn't finish it, there was going to be little chance of me being able to finish the race in October because I'm running out of chances to catch up when I miss training. Plus, the 20 mile mark signifies some kind of barrier in my mind. Once I've done 20, I don't see any reason why I won't finish 26. (I have heard, though, that the last six miles feel completely different than the first twenty.) I need to work on speed now. I need to be able to maintain a 14-minute per mile pace for the first 20 miles in order to avoid being bussed over a portion of the course once one of the bridges opens to traffic. That, more than finishing, is going to be the real challenge.

Overall, I would call today a really successful day!

Properly Chastened
Mood:  lazy
Topic: Daily Eruptions
Six days after my post about the other shoe dropping, Daily Om sent this to my inbox. Of course, I didn't read it until today.

Peace.

Back in the Saddle
Mood:  energetic
Topic: Marathon
Without meaning to, I took the month of July off from training. As long as I was living at the old place, I continued walking and running, but as soon as I started spending most of my nights here, the workouts ended. For the past five weeks, I have been trying to work full time and be at two houses at once and have had no extra energy or time for anything but dealing with my life.

But today is the first day of August, I'm moved completely out of the old place, the new place is coming together, at the moment Hans and I have found a way to live together in a tentative peace, and I got up at 5:00 and walked for an hour. My right arch was a little surprised and cranky, but the movement felt good. Almost as good as pedaling. I have three months of training left before the marathon, and there's no more wiggle room left in the schedule. I have to be serious from here on in.

I have a weightlifting workout scheduled for this afternoon and my first run tomorrow morning at 5:00. I'll probably post after each workout for awhile just to give myself incentive to stick to the schedule. Positive reinforcement and all that....

Sewer Saves Emperor's Head
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: Daily Eruptions
How's that for a headline? I probably won't get any paying gigs writing headlines any time soon, but you have to admit, that caught your attention.

Here's the AP story: http://enews.earthlink.net/article/ent?guid=20050728/42e85840_3ca6_1552620050728550293876.

Cool, eh?

All About the Bike
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: Daily Eruptions
I took a "vacation" day yesterday to finish getting the leftover packing boxes and the six 30 gallon trash bags of packing peanuts out of the townhouse in Wake Forest and to get the place cleaned up for the new tenants. I am exhausted. My right hand scrubbed every surface in the place and today will hardly move!

The weird thing is that, despite the soreness in my upper body and the lethargy everywhere else, the thing I really wish I could do today is jump on the Stellar for a ninety-mile solo ride. I can almost feel the need to pedal in my legs! Maybe the overall tiredness I feel reminds my body of what it felt like to ride the bike across country, and somehow my body has decided that's what I'm doing and is sending my brain signals to go air up the tires and get out on the road.

Ninety miles in Idaho or Minnesota or Wisconsin or Michigan's Upper Peninsula would be so perfect today. Along one of the Great Lakes, or the Mississippi River, or along a coast... But I would settle for just being on the bike alone anywhere (except maybe Illinois around Chicago or that really busy stretch along that highway in Pennsylvania the Big Ride attempted).

I promised myself this morning that if I live through the marathon in October, next fall I'll do the week-long Cycle North Carolina event that goes from the mountains to the coast. I miss eating breakfast outdoors with hundreds of people dressed in Spandex and CoolMax!

Cool Coverage of Lance's Tour History
Mood:  cheeky
Here's a nice, celebratory story of Lance's Tour de France history: msn.foxsports.com/cycling/story/3823868

It's okay for a liberal to read Fox's sports coverage, right??

Scary
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: Daily Eruptions
When I was editing my Tripod website this morning, there was a banner ad across the top of the page offering me a free, online journal to track my moods to help treat my bipolar mania! Wow! All I can hope is that this was not one of the targeted ads that Tripod hosts--like, on this page, heart rate monitor ads appear because I have mentioned in my blog that I wear a heart rate monitor--because that would just be too scary. I have never taken medication to treat bipolor disorder, so why would they target me? And, if it's not a targeted ad, that's just as scary, because that means the drug company is just offering its services to anyone, regardless of medical history. It advertised a medication called Seroquel which is used in the treatment of bipolar mania and schizophrenia and the ad promises to help readers celebrate life and find balance. And the name--Seroquel: who wants to take anything with a derivative of the word "quell" (to put down by force; pacify) in it?

So here's a test: I've used the word "bipolar" and the drug name "Seroquel" in this post--how long will it take before the Seroquel ad shows up in the targeted banners that appear atop my (free) blog page??

Woo-hoo!
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Daily Eruptions


Way to go, Lance!!!!!!!!!!

Ecomobile?!
Mood:  cool
Topic: Daily Eruptions
I was passed by one of these on the freeway this morning! www.ecomobile.com I was going much faster than I should have been, and this guy went by me like I was standing still. Unfortunately, a slower moving pickup truck pulled out in front of me just as the ecomobile pulled up beside me and I had to divert my attention to keep from rear-ending said slow moving truck, so I didn't get the best look. The one that passed me looked like it really was just an enclosed motorcycle, not large enough for more than the driver and one passenger seated behind. The website was painted over the portion that covered the rear wheel and I think the driver's intention was just to go out and pass as many cars on the freeway this morning as he could.

I don't know why I keep calling the driver "he," because I couldn't see the driver's face. It could have been a woman. Afterall, women speed (ahem), drive motorcycles, are concerned about gas mileage and environmental issues, and like cool, new technology, too. So, sorry if my falling into easy stereotypes in my assumptions offended anyone. The thing looked like fun to drive, I just worry about its safety in a collision with another moving vehicle. (You probably just have to assume you have no more protection than if you were riding a traditional motorcycle, and hope that being trapped inside the enclosure doesn't somehow increase your chances of injury--oh, sorry, I mean death.) If I'm reading the pricing information correctly and interpreting the first decimal point correctly as a comma, then the ones advertised on the website are well out of my price range, so I guess I don't really need to worry about whether I'd feel safe enough.