Mood: happy
I haven't had time to blog for real lately. I'm in a rhythm in my head, though, where I'm blogging pretty much non-stop. Problem is, I don't get to the computer--or have enough down time if I am at the computer, which is more likely--to actually type up the nearly constant blog posts I'm writing....
It's been a really nice morning! I got up at 5:00 a.m. which I haven't been able to manage for several weeks, between the depression and the lingering morning darkness. There was a lovely little message in my inbox from Scott, one of my three fans, that got the morning started on a positive, "I'm loved!" note. I'm really glad he and I reconnected last summer at Matt's get-together.
And, speaking of Matt's get-together, he's planning another one next month. It's the weekend after I get back from Florida and two weeks before the marathon, and I don't really think I can afford to get there. Although, there is this little voice in the back of my head saying, "You know, you could skip the marathon, and spend the money you were saving for D.C. on a weekend trip to Michigan.... Wouldn't seeing all your friends be much better than punishing yourself for 8 hours in a city that no longer feels like home?" Not sure about that yet. Little bit afraid of bringing up the subject with Hans....
And, speaking of men who are afraid of me, it seems I've driven yet another one away (again). I now live within 30 minutes of Marc but haven't called him yet to get together because I'm not sure I've been the best company lately. (Plus, he's married to a girl and girls don't tend to like me hanging around their husbands much.) This morning, though, just after I received Scott's message, came a message from Marc announcing that he's moving to the Mile-High City! That means that once John recovers from his spinal surgery and is able to return home, Chad, John, and Marc will all be living in Colorado. They're going to force me to do a "Ones Who Got Away Tour" of their state one of these days! Especially if I could somehow tie in a visit with each of them with a workshop with Pam Houston. Haven't they figured out they can never really get away?
One other random event this morning: I am periodically a good telepathic "sender." I'm not sure I'm sensitive or tuned-in enough to receive, but with friends, I can often send out a distress signal or sometimes a question or comment. Hans is particularly adept at hearing me speak in my mind, although he doesn't always catch the message. Sometimes, he says I'm thinking so loud it's distracting. Usually, what happens is we'll be somewhere in a crowd where it's not easy for me to verbally say something, but I think it, and he turns around and says, "What?" Definitely not an objectively verifiable experience, but it happens often enough that it's a little freaky. We had a complete conversation once in the space of several seconds that resulted in Hans pulling the car off at an exit that we both wanted to stop even though there hadn't been time to say so aloud. (That was on our first road trip together, through the four corners area. The last time I did a let's-go-see-an-old-boyfriend-in-Colorado trek to see John. Interesting experience taking a new boyfriend to stay a few days at the house of an old boyfriend....)
And, on the Big Ride, I shouted Grant's name in my head once--during a VERY MANIC manic episode in Sandusky, Ohio--and he turned around and said he'd heard me! Fun.
This morning, though, I did it with a stranger. I ordered breakfast at McDonald's again (BAD girl!) and the woman at the drive-thru window was very busy talking to her manager while she was running my debit card. She handed me the sandwich, but not the orange juice, and in my head I said, "Please don't forget the orange juice," because I was worried I would forget and drive away without it. She immediately opened her window and said "What was that, ma'am? Did you need something else?" She did this while handing me the orange juice and I just shook my head and said, "Nope, that's it."
I know, it takes so little to amuse me!
More on The March of the Penguins, The Constant Gardener, Gilmore Girls, Katrina, and Hammer Gel later....
Oh! And I'm so glad the banner ads atop this blog have changed to ones about meditation rather than medication!! Although, I did use the word "manic" in this post, so I'm tempting all those yucky, depressing, and somewhat sinister bipolar ads to come back.
Thoughts captured by Kristine
at 12:35 PM EDT
Updated: Thursday, September 15, 2005 12:50 PM EDT