Summer Solstice (NOT for the shy or squeamish)
Mood:  lucky
Topic: Daily Eruptions
I celebrated the solstice by starting my period again!! Only a week has passed since the last one, and I have to say, I'm a little freaked out. Hans has tried to make me feel better by insisting that it has to be the stress of everything we're doing to make the closing happen on Monday and getting ready for the move and buying a new car, etc., but that doesn't really make me worry less that it means I'm perimenopausal. What my body needs to understand is that just because I started my period at eleven and so have had twenty-five childbearing years, I am not ready at thirty-six to give up the possibility of having a child. Afterall, I was unmarried for eighteen of those twenty-five years. This is exactly what Oprah tried to scare me with three years ago (because you know she knows exactly which three shows I'm going to watch each year and she targets them directly to me), but I'm not buying it. I refuse to believe that the Universe would let me spend most of my childbearing years terrified that my body would do exactly what it was designed to do--attract men and produce babies--only to take away the ability to actually have a child just at the point where I might be getting to a place emotionally and financially where I am ready for one, and where I have a partner who is also nearly ready for one. My body needs to give me one more year to get the weight and asthma under control and figure out what's going on with my liver--end of story.

The Universe balanced out my world, though, by giving North Carolina an absolutely gorgeous day for the solstice. The humidity mysteriously left the air late last week and hasn't come back! It's amazing. I was able to run in the evening, which I definitely prefer over running in the morning. I only went out for forty minutes, and Hans and Kaija did the first .8 of a mile with me. Kaija thinks it's a game--she and Hans leave for a walk while I'm getting dressed, and then somehow the two of them run into me while I'm out on the run, and she gets all excited to have found me. I think she thinks it's odd to see me "running," because when we go out for walks she has to slow down her normal trot in order for me to keep up, just as Hans has to slow down his normal walk. On run nights, though, she and Hans are able to walk (Hans) and trot (Kaija) at their normal speed and have me keep up. This makes Kaija happy dance a lot, and it's fun to have the company now that Hans has stopped making jokes about my stubby legs (his hips are nearly at my shoulders!) and asking "When are we actually gonna' run?"

The weather was so nice that I was able to eat lunch outside in Sudie's garden. Ecco sat at my feet because now that they're renovating the studio she wants nothing to do with that end of the property, and I sat in this huge metal chair that looks like it's made of tree branches and reeds hidden in the formal garden in front of the house. I love this chair because I can sit cross-legged in it and feel small. When I first started working here in January, I was very aware of the trees--everything seemed green even in the winter. But now that it's summer, I see that there are a ton of deciduous trees on the property, too, and the sunlight coming through the leaves and trunks reminds me of Michigan's U.P. What I really want to do is sit outside in that oversized hidden chair and write poetry all day. Guess that will have to wait! Maybe next week I can sit out there to do my writing for the divination project since I write longhand.

In any event, I am receiving blessings from every direction and I think it's going to be an amazing summer.