Wired
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: Marathon
Just figured out Jeff Galloway didn't mean three 4x1 mile sets for last weekend's long run--he meant three or four 1 mile intervals.... Glad I didn't really try to do the workout the way I understood it! I still think I overdid last weekend, and I think not eating breakfast beforehand hurt me. From now on I'll have to be sure to eat something before I go out on long runs. Peanut butter is too high in fat to technically qualify for my diet, but I bought some reduced fat stuff and if I eat only half a tablespoon, I'm only looking at three grams of fat. A PB&J sandwich would be easy and quick, and get a little protein into my system.

I waited until 9:00 tonight to go out and attempt my short run because the temperature was in the nineties today and I think the humidity must have been, too. There's just no air in the air in the south! I had the same problem I had last week of not feeling like I was getting enough oxygen even on a long, deep inhale. I ended up walking and, for the rest of the summer, I just have to accept that my workouts have to happen in the morning. Provided I can get out of bed at 5:00 and be out the door by 5:15, a morning run is doable, but I am not a morning person.

Now that the adrenaline rush of moving and buying a house is starting to fade, I'm starting to get the urge to write again. It's going to be a tough balance trying to fit in workouts, writing sessions, and packing, but I feel like I've been making steps in all the right directions over the last couple weeks. The solstice is next week; I'll have to spend some time thinking about a small ritual I can do to help cement any new good behaviors and weed out any lingering bad ones. It's a full moon, which is a time for bringing things to fruition rather than starting new projects, so it might be good timing depending on how I think about my progress.

It's after eleven and I should be sleeping...wish I felt sleepy.

Today IT Wasn't In Me
Mood:  lazy
Topic: Marathon
Why am I doing a marathon?? I asked myself that question once this morning while I was out trying to finish eleven miles, and luckily I heard myself say it, and I answered it immediately with ten reasons. My favorite was, "Because I can." Still, the run was awful.

The alarm went off at 5:10 a.m., but my neck was stiff and I'm having my period so my lower back hurt, and I didn't relish the idea of running around the neighborhood with my socks filling up with blood. (When I first started long distance cycling, I asked Mary, a former professional triathlete, how women dealt with their period in sports where blisters caused by friction were an issue, and her response was, "You wear a tampon and get used to seeing your own blood. You're an athlete." Somehow, I don't think my neighbors would quite see it that way.) I considered skipping the run altogether, but then I reminded myself that stress could easily change the date of my cycle, and there was every possibility that I would also be having my period on the day of the marathon. I have promised myself that I will train for every circumstance.... Somehow I finally dragged myself out of bed at 6:00, still feeling exhausted from the week I've had. I had to invoke the 5-Minute Promise I used to use to get myself to the pool--I have to dress and begin my workout, and if 5 minutes into it, I really want to quit, I am allowed to do that. I have only actually quit one time that I can recall.

I did a few sun salutations to stretch out my neck and hips, and I was out the door by 6:15 because I didn't bother with breakfast. My goal was to do 11 miles any way I could, but the Jeff Galloway 4:40 time goal people (NOT me) were supposed to do 3-4x1 miles (11 miles total) this weekend, and since I haven't done any continuous running miles yet (I have been doing only timed intervals), I thought I'd see if I could crank out even one 4x1 mile set.

I walked a half-mile to warm up, then set out at the slowest jog possible, and was amazed to find that I could finish a mile without walking. So then I walked a tenth of a mile and jogged another mile. They were incredibly slow miles, but I proved to myself that I can do them. By the time I'd finished two, the dogs in the townhouses on the half-mile loop I was running were beginning to wake up and bark at me, so I decided to spread the aggravation I caused over a larger area, and went back to running intervals.

Until the end of mile seven, the 60% intervals (3 minute run, 2 minute walk) that were so difficult on Thursday were now easy. Then, I lost my rhythm and started finding it difficult to maintain even a jog on my uphill portions. I had to continually push myself to keep going because I'd lost all interest in being out there. The amazing thing was that there was no foot pain and no coughing or wheezing, and my overall posture was better. Today it seemed the weak link were the backs of my thighs; I really need to add in a bike workout.

Accomplishments:

Finished 11 miles for the first time since the Seattle Half-Marathon in December, 2002;

Ran 2 individual miles continuously;

Moved up to 60% running;

Lost four pounds this week, bringing me to my first weight-loss goal of 10% of my beginning body weight.

Scary Discovery:

The sweat pouring off my forehead was rust colored! Hans always wondered why my white T-shirts end up brown.

Motivational Tool to Remember:

When I wanted to quit today, I remembered Dad who babysits three grandchildren even when he's in pain so bad he can barely walk and who, along with Mom, spent all day yesterday with me and Hans looking over the new house and getting the contract started even though what he really needed was to be resting. And then I remembered Mom who works herself to death in the service of everyone else and takes no time and has nothing left for herself.

Maxed Out
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: Marathon
I did my short "run" tonight after missing my Tuesday night session thanks to a lightning storm, and attempted to move up to 60% running (3 min. run, 2 min. walk). Apparently, somewhere between 40% and 60% is the level where running could be considered enjoyable for me. Tonight, no matter how slow I went, the run portions were not fun. I felt like I barely recovered in between them, and after minute 27 I started to feel a sharp pain in my right shin. This wasn't the I've-gotta'-make-it-from-Cedar-Point's-back-gate-to-the-front-gate-in-ten-minutes-or-I'm-gonna'-be-late-for-work usual shin burn to which I've grown accustomed over the past seventeen years, this was more localized and insistent. I ended up walking the last 18 minutes, and the pain has gone away now. It might have been the very high humidity level that made it feel like I couldn't get a full breath tonight. Plus, wearing the heart rate monitor and double-bagging the girls already makes me feel constricted.

It has been an exhausting week, so I'm proud of myself for even getting off the couch. We've been pre-approved for a mortgage and Hans got his job and we've been going non-stop since Sunday trying to take care of details and see every house that meets our needs before we meet with the builder of the larger townhouse in Whitsett on Saturday and actually fork over money to start a contract. Ever since we got the call Monday night saying we'd been approved for the mortgage, neither one of us has slept. We're excited, but we're also nervous. It's not the cost that's getting us, because we'll be owning for what we've been paying in rent, it's the permanence of owning something that is not portable that's hitting us hard. We both have wanderlust and this will be our sixth move in ten years. And now we're doing the grown-up thing and buying a house and getting a second car, and we're both happy about that but still wondering how we got here, because on one level we thought we'd never be able to support this kind of lifestyle and still have a work-life balance that made us happy, and so on another level this is exactly what we've been trying really hard to avoid. Yet it feels really right right now, even if it is keeping us awake and the next two months are going to be insanely crazy and we're going to be broke and going in a million directions at once. Hans was so happy on Tuesday he even said the "B" word even though a baby is one more thing we've recently agreed we're not ready for.

I need to run 11 miles on Sunday, and I think I'm going to spend the first twenty minutes running only two minute intervals before I try to move up to three minute intervals. Hopefully by Sunday I will feel more rested and more interested in actually running!

Ten Miles
Mood:  on fire
Topic: Marathon
I finished ten miles today feeling great! I was up by 5:10 and out by 6:00, but I'm going to try to get out by 5:00 next week because as the heat goes up, so does my heart rate. I started out very slowly on both the walk and run portions, but by minute 35 I was feeling great. I ran 40% today (2 minute run with a 3 minute walking recovery) and my body didn't have any problems at all until mile 9. I had no coughing or wheezing, my heart rate stayed fairly low even on uphill runs, and my left arch, the one that usually gives out first, didn't have a single pain. At mile 8 I started getting chills, but no goosebumps and my heart rate was still recovering quickly, so I took it easy on the last two miles, and didn't have any trouble finishing. By mile 9, though, I started getting pains in the outside of my right arch and it wasn't the kind of pain that said "you can run through this and it will go away." I continued my run intervals through 9.5 miles, then walked the last half mile completely. It was a really great workout for me.

I still have to work on keeping my shoulders loose. I catch myself doing two things: lifting my shoulders in an attempt to make my body hit the ground more lightly (funny, I know) and bowing my head in an attempt to make myself invisible (even funnier). When I was trying to learn good form in Seattle, I worked really hard on my posture, but now that I'm out doing these long, slow runs, psychologically it's easier for me to watch the pavement right in front of my feet and just think about putting one foot in front of the other than it is to keep my head up and my eyes on the horizon that only inches closer. A man passed me today wearing a Race for the Cure T-shirt and he had that head up, confident look that I would like to develop over the next five months.

At the end of mile 7, I was in a downhill run interval and I suddenly remembered one of the female spectators at my last Danskin Triathlon. She ran with me to the top of the last hill before the finish and kept saying that I had great rhythm and that I was almost there and that I was doing great. Just thinking about that made me start crying this morning, which was not good on a whole lot of levels. My heart rate didn't recover during the walk session and hit 179 beats per minute on the next uphill run segment. Had to get rid of that memory in a hurry!!

I will move up to 60% running on the two short runs this week, which will mean 3 minutes running with a two minute walking recovery. After last weekend, I feel like I'm back on track and happy with my progress.

Seattle Spit
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: So Long Farewell Goodbye by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Topic: Marathon
I did my 45 minute run/walk in a true Seattle spit tonight, and it was awesome. As much as the gloom and drizzle of the Pacific Northwest depressed me and made me tired, it was definitely good for workouts. Finding those same conditions here in North Carolina tonight was a real blessing. The slugs and frogs were out, and I felt right at home. In contrast to the last couple runs, by minute 20 I was feeling really strong and into it. I pushed the run portions just a little faster than normal on the second 20 minutes and finished feeling great. Not a single cough tonight, no wheezing, and my feet feel fine. Nice way to end an otherwise frustrating day and turn the energy around.

Captain Jack
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Life's a Bitch by ShOOTER
Topic: Marathon
I woke up this morning dreaming that not only did I work for George W, but that I also lived in the same two-story house in the suburbs with him and Mrs. Bush and all their staffers. I had a meeting I thought Mr. Bush needed to take but he was refusing. I had been up all night working and there was an empty pizza box and wrappers from almost an entire bag of miniature chocolate candy bars spread all over the kitchen table with my papers. While I was upstairs trying to convince Mrs. Bush that the President needed to take this meeting, the other staffers were waking up and wandering downstairs and finding the remains of my late-night binge. What a horrible way to wake up!! Not only did I have a job that would no doubt frustrate me every minute of every day, but I was actually dealing with my dream frustration with dream binge eating! (When I told Scott, he made the comment that if I were going to binge, doing so in my dreams was probably healthier than doing it while I was awake.) On top of that, I had "Captain Jack" by Billy Joel playing in my head--a song about how alcohol/drugs can solve all your problems. Needless to say, I was in the pissiest mood this morning.

Scott brought me out of that with an encouraging email this morning, though, and the day improved.

I did my short run tonight, and while I didn't love it, I hung in there. My mind wanted to stop after 30 minutes, but because of the way the long run went on Sunday, I really want to hold myself to 45 minutes on the two short runs this week. So at the 30 minute mark, I started spontaneously making a list in my head of all the reasons why I was going to keep running tonight, and it turned out to be a really great tool. I'll have to remember that one. I finished in a good mood and had no problems with either my lungs or my left arch! In my book, that counts as a good session.

I feel like I'm going into June with some good momentum. I just have to keep building on that because things are going to get really crazy really quickly after June 7 when we hear definitively about Hans's new job. We will have only a few weeks to figure out whether we want to try to buy a house in Greensboro or go back to living in an apartment (we have been really spoiled by living in the townhouse here and the Queen Anne condo in Seattle, and really even by the townhouse apartment building we managed in Edmonds, and are having a difficult time thinking about high density apartment living again.), and what we're going to do about a second car. And packing. I escaped all the packing with the move from Seattle to Wake Forest because I was in Raleigh and the move was unexpected, so Hans took care of everything. This time, he may be in Seattle for training, which means the packing will fall to me. Hans is thinking this would be true justice and is hoping that if I have to pack everything, maybe I'll be inclined to throw or give away more things. Silly man.

I did a dumb, dumb thing
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Superior: The Inland Sea from the Great Lakes Suite by Dan Gibson
Topic: Marathon
In Pam Houston's Sight Hound, Rae's husband is always making up new lyrics for songs he already knows. If he were here, he would be singing, "Baby did a dumb, dumb thing" to the tune of Chris Isaak's "Baby Did a Bad, Bad Thing." I slept altogether too late today and by the time I had done yoga and got out to do my long run, it was hot. It was my first attempt at a long run with 2 minute run intervals, and, in spite of the heat, I thought I was going to be okay.

My lungs did great! I finally figured out how to get my heart rate monitor working again today and I watched it to see what my max looked like and to make sure I was recovering in a reasonable time on the walk breaks. On uphill runs, I maxed out at 172, mostly because I wouldn't let myself go any higher than that. After I hit it three times, I could tell by the way my body felt--slightly sick to my stomach--when I had reached it, and I would slow down to make sure I didn't exceed it. A long run in the heat isn't a time to push the heart rate.

Fifty-five minutes in, my mind was hating the whole experience. I was convinced that my body wasn't going to feel its usual relief at that point, but I made myself check in with my body anyway. I was amazed to discover that my body actually did seem to have reached the state of adjustment it typically finds several miles into my long sessions. My lungs were doing beautifully and the pain in my left arch seemed to have subsided. My legs felt strong, and I had found my rhythm. My mood started to pick up.

The next two run intervals were mostly downhill, but the third interval was all uphill. I hit 172, started feeling queasy, backed off, and then realized that I was also getting chills. Chills in that kind of heat are not a good thing. I walked another half mile to see if they subsided, but they didn't, and I decided to call it a day even though my heart rate was still recovering relatively quickly. Maybe I'm a wimp or just looking for an excuse to stop, but I couldn't see how heat stroke would benefit me.

No asthma attack when I finished--yay!--but the left arch started absolutely screaming the minute I stopped moving. Hans was worried I had a stress fracture, but finally, now, two hours later I can finally walk on it. When I stopped the run early this morning, I promised myself I would finish the last three miles tonight after the heat has passed. If the foot feels up to it, I will at least try to walk those three miles. And for next Sunday's ten-miler, I have to be up by 5:00 a.m. and out the door.

There are so many variables to try to manage and monitor without a coach....

Still Wheezing Along
Mood:  energetic
Now Playing: She's Got a Way by Billy Joel
Topic: Marathon
I've finally moved up from 20% running to 40%, meaning, I now run two minutes and then have a three minute walking recovery. What this often translates to, especially at the beginning of a session, is two minutes running, two minutes coughing, and one minute trying to catch my breath. It looks as though my lungs really are the limiting factor now, even though my left arch is still weak and giving me some pain. On this morning's short run, I had a mild asthma attack when I was finished. We're to the point in the season where it's hot in the middle of the day, but the pollen is very high in the mornings and evenings, so no matter what I do, my lungs are in trouble. Plus, on the short runs, which last from 30 to 45 minutes, I never get to the place where I'm really warmed up, which seems to take 50-60 minutes. My lungs loosened up pretty quickly this morning, though, and I have to believe it's better that I'm running and coughing than not running.

At any rate, I'm enjoying the running more this year than I have ever before, maybe because I'm taking it so slow and being careful not to overdo or burn out. I can almost see the day when I might feel as good about my running as I do about cycling or swimming.

Speaking of which, the neighborhood pool opened today for the season, so I'm thinking about trying to get in at least one early morning swim each week, maybe Saturday, and getting out for one early morning ride on the Rodriguez each week, maybe Friday. The cycling will help build my thigh muscles back up, which will be good for the running, without overtaxing the running muscles, and the swimming is good for my lungs and for keeping everything in alignment.

I can't believe it's nearly June! I'm so not ready for summer. But, ready or not....

Problem Solved?!
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: American Idiot by Green Day
Topic: Marathon
YAY!! As much as I love R & E Cycles in Seattle for custom building my Stellar, I love Inside Out Sports in Raleigh for helping me figure out this whole running shoe thing! Jason at IOS, who sold me the Brooks Ariels last Monday, very kindly helped me solve my pain problem tonight. He watched me walk in a pair of Adrenalines that felt very similar to what I was used to in the Addictions, then watched me walk in the Ariels and agreed with my original conclusion that the Ariels were the better shoe for me because they reduced my overpronation. He was willing to switch them out for a pair of Adrenalines, though, if I thought that was going to cause me less pain, which I thought was very cool. I decided to stick with the Ariels, instead, and do the necessary work to strengthen my inner leg muscles and stretch out my hips. So he helped me find a pair of heavy duty but not expensive arch supports, and I think that's going to take care of it! I wore them to walk Kaija when I got home tonight and no pain, just plenty of cush! Tomorrow will be the real test because it's a run day, but even if it takes me a few weeks to build back up to being able to do long distances without pain, I think it's worth the short-term setback to make sure that I'm balancing out my leg muscles and getting the healthiest stride. So tomorrow will be yoga followed by a 30 minute run followed by more stretching and inner thigh exercises with a step and hospital tubing.

Base 1 Training Starts
Now Playing: Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson
Topic: Marathon
In my marathon training, I moved up to Base 1 training today. This was the first week since I started training for the marathon that my "long day" decreased distance rather than increasing. I only had to do 5 miles, rather than last week's 10, which mentally was great! It was an interval workout, though, and for the first time on a distance day I added in "running." I only ran 1 minute out of every five, but those minutes were a breeze and I didn't miss any of them. If I hadn't done all the prep over the last seven weeks, I wouldn't have been able to say that.

People following Jeff Galloway's virtual training program--the free program offered to marathon participants from the USMC Marathon site--started training this past Monday, so I feel like I'm doing pretty well to be where I am right now. This is where things are going to start getting difficult, and I'm glad it's happening now rather than in June. My chances of staying motivated to stick it out are definitely better this way.

I spent quite a bit of time researching shoes before I went to buy a new pair last Monday, and I am a little discouraged because even though the Ariels felt like the exact right thing on paper, they kill me when I move. In the store, and just walking around the house, they feel like a dream. Tons of cushion and room and just absolutely lovely. But I hardly have to walk out the front door before the pain starts. I don't know if they are the right shoe and my feet hurt because they are having to build up strength in places they are weak in order to correct my gait, or if they are the wrong shoe and I should go back to my Addictions, which aren't perfect, but are familiar. I walked only a tenth of a mile in them this morning before going back home and putting on the old broken down Addictions. I hadn't wanted to risk running in old shoes and so had been putting off running until I could get the new ones. But this morning it seemed every bit as likely that I would injure myself running in the new Ariels, and very unlikely that I would even be able to finish the workout. The old shoes did okay for me, and I didn't experience any real pain.

Even though this workout felt pretty easy on my body, it was the first workout that was mentally difficult. I had to do some real talking to myself in the first half hour. It was definitely full daylight by the time I got out of the house this morning--a no-no now that the heat and humidity finally seem to be upon us--and I think I felt embarrassed to be out attempting to run intervals. I'm sure the neighbors already think I'm nuts when I go out walking for hours at a time on Sunday mornings, doing figure-eights that take me past the house twice each circuit. But to add in running, which for me is still little more than a shuffle, and only for a minute at a time, so that anyone who cared to watch would be able to see me start and stop again, just seemed to be the thing that showed exactly how crazy and out of shape I am. I called myself a moron at one point for even thinking I could attempt a marathon, which was finally what caught my attention and clued me in to my negative self-talk. I very patiently explained to myself AGAIN that it is not about how I look, what other people think, or comparing myself to anyone else. My marathon effort is totally personal. It's about me trying to learn to love to run. It's about me getting regular exercise. It's about me losing weight that needs to come off for serious health reasons. It's about me finding discipline. It's about me removing another obstacle between me and Ironman. It's about me carrying through on a commitment to myself. It's about me competing with myself and my history, and no one else.

This helped, and, by minute 55, I was feeling really good. My stride length had increased and so had my effort during the run minutes, most of which fell on uphill sections. Maybe I just need to expect that the good vibes and the good body feelings take twice as long to come when I'm running than when I'm on the bike. Thirty minutes on the nose for biking, 50 - 60 minutes for running. Although, maybe when I get to a point when I'm doing more running than walking, that might change, too.

I definitely miss having a coach and a team to workout with. In Seattle, I swam with a master's swim team on Sunday mornings year-round, and in the summer, I added in tri training with the same coach and many of my fellow swimmers on Saturday mornings. I learned a ton between my first triathlon season and my second as a result of working out with them. I also really miss biking on the Burke Gilman on Wednesday nights with the women I met at Danskin Triathlon Camp. That was glorious! The trail was always busy and the ride was more about distance than speed, but it was so great to be out at my favorite time of day with a supportive, and varied! group of women. It was a social release for me as much as it was anything. I think that for a few weeks longer, anyway, the running is going to be a solo effort. I might join in a run organized by the tri store where I bought my shoes once I feel like I'm able to run more consistently. I've been assured that speed doesn't matter because everyone runs at different speeds, and that it's really about being able to pass friendly faces as you do the circuit. We'll see.

Also, the more fit I get, the more I miss being on the bike. The Stellar is sitting on my indoor trainer in my home office with her handlebars facing out the window and her siren song is increasing in urgency and volume! I haven't had her on pavement since I finished the 2002 Danskin Triathlon. I had to buy new tires the day before, so they've only got about 17 miles on them. I've been too afraid of the crazy drivers here and the total lack of shoulders on the roads to get out. But now that I work in Hillsborough, which alternates between woods and hilly farmland-much like Ceresco in Michigan-I wish every day that I could be out on the bike. Hillsborough has a lot of cyclists and runners, and I am always a little envious when I pass one in my car. I suppose I could get the bike out and ride circuits around the neighborhood, just to get the feel for the bike again. I'm sure the neighbors would LOVE that!